email page print pageAll Topic Reviews
"Intimate" Violence against Women3 NBS of Julian DrewA Little PregnantA Natural History of RapeA Parent's Guide to Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning AutismA Stir of BonesAbout a BoyAdult Children of Emotionally Immature ParentsAgainst MarriageAgainst MarriageAlmost a PsychopathAlone TogetherAnatomy of LoveAngelsAnother CountryAnxious ParentsApples and OrangesBe Honest--You're Not That Into Him EitherBeing the Other OneBetrayed as BoysBeyond AddictionBipolar DisorderBoys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt)Breaking ApartBrief Adolescent Therapy Homework PlannerBringing Up ParentsBut I Love HimCaring for a Child with AutismCaring in Remembered WaysCherishmentChildren of the Aging Self-AbsorbedChildren of the Self-AbsorbedChildren, Families, and Health Care Decision MakingClawsCloserCold HitCoping With Difficult PeopleCouple SkillsCruddyDancing in My NuddypantsDivorce PoisonDoing ItDone With The CryingEcstasyEmotional ClaustrophobiaEmotional Fitness for IntimacyEmotional Intelligence at WorkEntwined LivesErotic PassionsEssentials of Premarital CounselingEvery Pot Has a CoverFacts About ADHD ChildrenFamilies Like MineFamilyFamily BoundFamily FirstFear of IntimacyFinal JeopardyFind MeFlashpointFor Lesbian ParentsForgive Your Parents, Heal YourselfGandhi's WayGeorgia Under WaterGetting over Getting MadGetting the Love You WantGetting the Love You Want Audio CompanionGirl in the MirrorGirl StuffGoing Home without Going CrazyHandbook of AttachmentHandbook of Counseling and Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual ClientsHappiness Sold SeparatelyHard to GetHe's Just Not That Into YouHealing ConversationsHollow KidsHot ButtonsHot Chocolate for the Mystical LoverHow Families Still MatterHow to Create Chemistry with AnyoneHow to Give Her Absolute PleasureHow to Handle a Hard-To-Handle KidHow to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do If You Can'tI am Not Sick I Don't Need Help!I Don't Know How She Does ItI Hate You-Don't Leave MeI Only Say This Because I Love YouI'm OK, You're My ParentsIn the Mood, AgainInside the American CoupleIntrusive ParentingIt's Called a Breakup Because It's BrokenIt's Love We Don't UnderstandJakarta MissingKeeping Passion AliveKeeping Your Child in MindLet's Get This StraightLiberation's ChildrenLife's WorkLikely to DieLove JunkieLove SickLove Times ThreeLove Works Like ThisLoving Someone With Bipolar DisorderLoving Someone with Borderline Personality DisorderLust in TranslationMaking the RunMaking the RunManic DepressionMars and Venus - Starting Over.Mating in CaptivityMom, Dad, I'm Gay.MotherstylesMurder in the InnMysterious CreaturesNecessary NoiseOdd Girl OutOpenOpening to Love 365 Days a YearOphelia's MomOrgasmsOur Journey Through High Functioning Autism and Asperger SyndromeOut of the DustOvercoming Your Difficult FamilyParenting and the Child's WorldParenting on the GoParenting Your Out-Of-Control TeenagerParents and Digital TechnologyParents Do Make a DifferencePassionate MarriagePlanet JanetPreventing Misbehavior in ChildrenProblem Child or Quirky Kid?Raising AmericaRaising ElijahRaising Kids in an Age of TerrorRaising Kids in the 21st CenturyRaising Resilient ChildrenRay's a LaughRelationship RescueRelax, It's Just SexRespect-Me RulesRomantic IntelligenceRoom For JSecrets of a Passionate MarriageSelf-NurtureSelfish, Shallow, and Self-AbsorbedSex Addiction: The Partner's PerspectiveShidduch CrisisSickenedSingleSlut!Socrates in LoveSomeone Like YouSong for EloiseSpecial SiblingsSpiritually Healing the Indigo Children (and Adult Indigos, Too!)Staying Connected to Your TeenagerStaying Sane When Your Family Comes to VisitStop Arguing with Your KidsStop SignsStop Walking on EggshellsStop Walking on EggshellsStrong, Smart, & BoldSummer of the SkunksSurviving a Borderline ParentTaking Charge of AngerTelling SecretsThank You for Being Such a PainThe Anti-Romantic ChildThe AwakeningThe Bastard on the Couch CDThe Birth of PleasureThe Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner with DiskThe Bully Action GuideThe Burden of SympathyThe Commercialization of Intimate LifeThe CorrectionsThe Couples Psychotherapy Treatment PlannerThe DisappearanceThe Dream BearerThe Educated ParentThe Emotional RevolutionThe Employee Assistance Treatment PlannerThe EpidemicThe Ethics of ParenthoodThe Ethics of the FamilyThe Gay Baby BoomThe Good DivorceThe Guide for International Intercultural Couples and Families Intercultural MarriageThe Healing Journey for CouplesThe Hostile HospitalThe Husbands and Wives ClubThe Inside Story on Teen GirlsThe Introvert AdvantageThe Little FriendThe Love HexagonThe Moral Intelligence of ChildrenThe Neuroscience of Human RelationshipsThe New I DoThe Normal OneThe Nurture AssumptionThe OASIS Guide to Asperger SyndromeThe Other ParentThe Philosophical ParentThe Psychology of Parental ControlThe Real Rules for GirlsThe Reflective ParentThe Right to Be ParentsThe Secret Lives of WivesThe Spider and the BeeThe State of AffairsThe StepsThe Story of My FatherThe Velveteen FatherThe Virgin BlueThe Visitation HandbookThe Whole ChildTo Have and To Hurt:Two Is EnoughUnderstanding MarriageUnderstanding the Borderline MotherUnhitchedUntrue Up in FlamesWe've Got IssuesWhat about the KidsWhat Goes UpWhat Is Secular Humanism?What It Means to Love YouWhat Our Children Teach UsWhen a Parent is DepressedWhen Mars Women DateWhen Someone You Love Is BipolarWhen Someone You Love Is DepressedWhy Are You So Sad?Will You, Won't You?WomanWorking With Emotional IntelligenceWorried All the TimeYes, Your Teen Is Crazy!
This book has a very precise aim and is targeted at a very precise
audience although not quite as narrow as the subtitle would suggest. Its
averred aim is to enable someone married to or living with a person suffering
from bipolar disorder to help her/him reduce the impact of the illness on their
relationship. The primary audience is therefore the partners of sufferers.
During the course of the book, however, it is also made clear that the wider
family and indeed friends could benefit from this book.
There could be no better author of this book than Julie Fast. Not only
does she herself suffer from bipolar disorder but so too does her partner (not
the book's second author). In addition, she is the person behind the website www.bipolarhappens.com John Preston
is a clinical psychologist who specializes in, among other things, depression.
They seem to have shared the writing and re-writing so successfully that the
book reads seamlessly.
Bipolar disorder is more normally these days referred to as a spectrum
disorder. Like so many other conditions it comes in a range from severe to
mild(ish) with several variations along the way. The most extreme form is
Bipolar Disorder I which shows itself in alternating deep depressions and
full-blown manic periods. Each of these usually lasts for weeks or even months
with intermittent neutral mood states although some sufferers do swing
instantly from one extreme mood to the other. In the U.S.A. it is reckoned that
about 1% of the population suffers from this extreme form. Less severe in some
ways but affecting about 4 to 5% of the population is Bipolar Disorder II. Sufferers
from this form spend a far higher proportion of the time in deep depression and
the manic periods are less extreme than in Bipolar Disorder I so they are
normally called episodes of hypomania. The least severe form is Cyclothymia in
which the sufferer has swings of mood from depression to hypomania but these
are not so extreme as to qualify for Bipolar Disorder II and the sufferer's
lifestyle is less drastically affected although relatives and friends will
regard her/him as extremely moody. Unfortunately, most people with Cyclothymia
will see the condition eventually deteriorate into Bipolar I or II. Many people
suffering from one of these forms of Bipolar Disorder resort to substance
abuse, usually but not always alcohol, to alleviate some of the worst symptoms.
This seems to be a major factor in converting Bipolar Disorder II in particular
into Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder. This is a form in which the transformation
from one extreme to the other becomes more rapid and when the sufferer has many
more than four episodes in a year it is known as ultra-rapid cycling.
The book makes it clear that the bipolar disorders in the spectrum are
all primarily physical illnesses with a high genetic factor although stress
seems to be a major factor in actually triggering the condition. The authors
take great pains to point out that, since it is at root a physical illness,
mood-stabilizing medications are essential. The book is not meant to be a
self-help manual to replace medication. Instead, the book is meant to be a
guide to help with all the emotional ups and downs and as a source of
information as to when, for example, immediate medical help must be sought.
At the heart of the book lies the problem that sufferers from one of the
bipolar disorders do not usually know when they are swinging into depressive or
manic mode. Even worse, the naïve partner often does not realize. The authors
are keenly aware of the terrible things that a sufferer can do while in the
depths of depression or on the peaks of mania. Unless treated, a complete
inability to work is not uncommon in the former and may lead to suicide
attempts. Unless treated and controlled, sufferers in the latter state may
become sexually highly promiscuous, go on massive spending sprees, indulge in
binges of one sort or another, need very little sleep and think that they can
solve the world's problems. What the authors have set out to do is to produce a
highly practical book of guidance for partners (and family and friends). They
carefully go through the symptoms which show the beginnings of either
depression or (hypo)mania -- delusions, hallucinations, paranoia, anger and
irritability, anxiety, feelings of over stimulation and of being overwhelmed,
lack of concentration, thoughts about suicide, self-harm and hypochondria. The
authors suggest keeping a journal to log all of these. This can then lead to
tracking exactly when these symptoms emerged. This in turn can lead to
discovering the triggers, both secondary and primary, which have to be
neutralized as quickly as possible if full-blown depression or mania is to be
avoided. Stress at work, a bereavement, natural catastrophes and man-made
disasters are obvious candidates for primary or root triggers of depression.
Caffeine, alcohol or other drugs and junk food can all serve as root triggers
The journal should ideally be a shared venture between the sufferer and
her/his partner. If this is successfully undertaken, then triggers can be
immediately identified and precautionary measures taken instantly before they
begin to wreak havoc. The authors call this their 'Holistic Treatment Plan' and
very sensible it is too. Basically what they are saying is "let us take
control of this bipolar disorder and let us not allow it to destroy our
lives." As soon as the sufferer says that s/he cannot cope with work or
wants to go out gambling all night, the partner know immediately that something
is starting to go wrong, gets out the journal, identifies previous occasions
when something similar happened and refers to the things that worked to calm
the situation and immediately engages with her/his partner. Given good will on
both sides, the authors assure us that this procedure can and does work. Julia
Fast and her partner are living proof of its success for them. The authors make
it plain time and time again that all of this has to be carried out in
conjunction with the sufferer's doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, etc.
The authors are also extremely sanguine about those occasions when the
sufferer refuses to co-operate. Ultimately, without co-operation the whole
procedure is doomed and the partner is given very sound advice, firstly, about
protecting any children from the relationship, secondly, about separating the
finances of sufferer and partner, and, thirdly, about the possibility of having
to leave the sufferer and end the relationship.
This is a book firmly rooted in experience and reality. For anyone with
a partner suffering from bipolar disorder, it is an absolute 'must buy.' For
psychiatrists, clinical psychologists and psychotherapists it is a book that
they simply have to have on their shelves -- preferably more than one copy so
that they can lend it out. There are a few typos which need to be ironed out
prior to a second edition. However, they are not going to worry the thousands
of people for whom this book will certainly be a godsend.
© 2005 Kevin M. Purday
Kevin M. Purday is Head of the Cambridge International High School in Jordan and recently completed the Philosophy & Ethics of Mental Health course in the Philosophy Dept. at the University of Warwick.