Relationships
Resources

 email page    print page

All Topic Reviews
"Intimate" Violence against Women3 NBS of Julian DrewA Little PregnantA Natural History of RapeA Parent's Guide to Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning AutismA Stir of BonesAbout a BoyAdult Children of Emotionally Immature ParentsAlmost a PsychopathAlone TogetherAnatomy of LoveAngelsAnother CountryAnxious ParentsApples and OrangesBe Honest--You're Not That Into Him EitherBeing the Other OneBetrayed as BoysBeyond AddictionBipolar DisorderBoys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt)Breaking ApartBrief Adolescent Therapy Homework PlannerBringing Up ParentsBut I Love HimCaring for a Child with AutismCaring in Remembered WaysCherishmentChildren of the Aging Self-AbsorbedChildren of the Self-AbsorbedChildren, Families, and Health Care Decision MakingClawsCloserCold HitCoping With Difficult PeopleCouple SkillsCruddyDancing in My NuddypantsDivorce PoisonDoing ItDone With The CryingEcstasyEmotional ClaustrophobiaEmotional Fitness for IntimacyEmotional Intelligence at WorkEntwined LivesErotic PassionsEssentials of Premarital CounselingEvery Pot Has a CoverFacts About ADHD ChildrenFamilies Like MineFamilyFamily BoundFamily FirstFear of IntimacyFinal JeopardyFind MeFlashpointFor Lesbian ParentsForgive Your Parents, Heal YourselfGandhi's WayGeorgia Under WaterGetting over Getting MadGetting the Love You WantGetting the Love You Want Audio CompanionGirl in the MirrorGirl StuffGoing Home without Going CrazyHandbook of AttachmentHandbook of Counseling and Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual ClientsHappiness Sold SeparatelyHard to GetHe's Just Not That Into YouHealing ConversationsHollow KidsHot ButtonsHot Chocolate for the Mystical LoverHow Families Still MatterHow to Create Chemistry with AnyoneHow to Give Her Absolute PleasureHow to Handle a Hard-To-Handle KidHow to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do If You Can'tI am Not Sick I Don't Need Help!I Don't Know How She Does ItI Hate You-Don't Leave MeI Only Say This Because I Love YouI'm OK, You're My ParentsIn the Mood, AgainInside the American CoupleIntrusive ParentingIt's Called a Breakup Because It's BrokenIt's Love We Don't UnderstandJakarta MissingKeeping Passion AliveKeeping Your Child in MindLet's Get This StraightLiberation's ChildrenLife's WorkLikely to DieLove JunkieLove SickLove Times ThreeLove Works Like ThisLoving Someone With Bipolar DisorderLoving Someone with Borderline Personality DisorderLust in TranslationMaking the RunMaking the RunManic DepressionMars and Venus - Starting Over.Mating in CaptivityMom, Dad, I'm Gay.MotherstylesMurder in the InnMysterious CreaturesNecessary NoiseOdd Girl OutOpenOpening to Love 365 Days a YearOphelia's MomOrgasmsOur Journey Through High Functioning Autism and Asperger SyndromeOut of the DustParenting and the Child's WorldParenting on the GoParenting Your Out-Of-Control TeenagerParents and Digital TechnologyParents Do Make a DifferencePassionate MarriagePlanet JanetPreventing Misbehavior in ChildrenProblem Child or Quirky Kid?Raising AmericaRaising ElijahRaising Kids in an Age of TerrorRaising Kids in the 21st CenturyRaising Resilient ChildrenRay's a LaughRelationship RescueRespect-Me RulesRomantic IntelligenceRoom For JSecrets of a Passionate MarriageSelf-NurtureSelfish, Shallow, and Self-AbsorbedSex Addiction: The Partner's PerspectiveShidduch CrisisSickenedSingleSlut!Socrates in LoveSomeone Like YouSong for EloiseSpecial SiblingsSpiritually Healing the Indigo Children (and Adult Indigos, Too!)Staying Connected to Your TeenagerStaying Sane When Your Family Comes to VisitStop Arguing with Your KidsStop SignsStop Walking on EggshellsStop Walking on EggshellsStrong, Smart, & BoldSummer of the SkunksSurviving a Borderline ParentTaking Charge of AngerTelling SecretsThank You for Being Such a PainThe Anti-Romantic ChildThe AwakeningThe Bastard on the Couch CDThe Birth of PleasureThe Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner with DiskThe Bully Action GuideThe Burden of SympathyThe Commercialization of Intimate LifeThe CorrectionsThe Couples Psychotherapy Treatment PlannerThe DisappearanceThe Dream BearerThe Educated ParentThe Emotional RevolutionThe Employee Assistance Treatment PlannerThe EpidemicThe Ethics of ParenthoodThe Ethics of the FamilyThe Gay Baby BoomThe Good DivorceThe Guide for International Intercultural Couples and Families Intercultural MarriageThe Healing Journey for CouplesThe Hostile HospitalThe Husbands and Wives ClubThe Inside Story on Teen GirlsThe Introvert AdvantageThe Little FriendThe Love HexagonThe Moral Intelligence of ChildrenThe Neuroscience of Human RelationshipsThe New I DoThe Normal OneThe Nurture AssumptionThe OASIS Guide to Asperger SyndromeThe Other ParentThe Psychology of Parental ControlThe Real Rules for GirlsThe Reflective ParentThe Right to Be ParentsThe Secret Lives of WivesThe Spider and the BeeThe StepsThe Story of My FatherThe Velveteen FatherThe Virgin BlueThe Visitation HandbookThe Whole ChildTo Have and To Hurt:Two Is EnoughUnderstanding MarriageUnderstanding the Borderline MotherUnhitchedUp in FlamesWe've Got IssuesWhat about the KidsWhat Goes UpWhat Is Secular Humanism?What It Means to Love YouWhat Our Children Teach UsWhen a Parent is DepressedWhen Mars Women DateWhen Someone You Love Is BipolarWhen Someone You Love Is DepressedWhy Are You So Sad?Will You, Won't You?WomanWorking With Emotional IntelligenceWorried All the TimeYes, Your Teen Is Crazy!

Related Topics
Essentials of Premarital CounselingReview - Essentials of Premarital Counseling
Creating Compatible Couples
by Sandra L. Ceren
Loving Healing Press, 2008
Review by Michael J Salmon, Ph.D
Nov 18th 2008 (Volume 12, Issue 47)

The institution of marriage is in serious trouble. While most indicators suggest that the divorce rate has stabilized or even fallen in the last few years, the rate for first marriage appears to be in a freefall decline. Both men and women are delaying nuptials, not simply because they wish to establish themselves in a profession prior to making the commitment, but they are putting off marriage out of fear that taking their vows is increasingly meaningless; divorce is too likely an outcome and recent research is reporting higher rates of infidelity. Concerns that the person chosen to be a spouse will not be the one to meet their needs for the long term abound among those of marriageable age. Marital therapists are reporting that conflicts in marriage are so worrying to some young women and men that they would rather not even consider getting married.  The concept of love in marriage is also strained as some report that it is an entity that is historically a relatively new one. According to historian Stephanie Coontz, marrying for love was unheard of as recently as just a century ago.  Marriages were for convenience and had more to do with survival than quality of life.  Members of this generation, who practice what has been referred to as highly narcisstic behaviors may, by their approach to life, be contributing to the erosion of marriage rates. Individuals who are focused more on themselves lack the insight necessary to respond to someone else's needs. Greater insight may assist in confronting this problem by providing those who wish the knowledge and awareness to overcome their insecurity in addressing their fears of not finding the person to grow with. But, this is a two way street that requires both parties to develop the skills. Therapists need tools to help them work with clients who have difficulty navigating these commitment fears and developing a sense of security that they have chosen the right person to marry, a person they can understand, who will be responsive to them, and whom they will grow with emotionally.

Recent research has begun to show patterns that may be useful for therapists to understand and implement in their work with those tentatively approaching marriage. Personality factors, family background and problem solving skills all play a role in compatibility. Understanding that research and translating it into a clinically useful methodology requires a background and sensitivity that is all too rare. It is for this reason that this text is such a gem. Ceren has used her methodological knowledge, clinical insight and well known writing skills to develop a premarital counseling workbook that translates the research and clinical background into this highly accessible text.

When a protocol does not exist there is a feeling that clinicians develop, somewhat akin to groping in the dark. Some have argued that there is no need for premarital counseling for if the couple is compatible why the need for counseling? Conversely, if they are incompatible, why counsel them to try to force compatibility? But, these arguments miss the issue, which is that compatibility may exist, but fears and insecurities about marriage and relationships abound. Ceren, employing anecdotes, quizzes and questionnaires has developed a highly efficient technique to help people gain insight into their own personality and determine compatibility. There are a series of common frustrations and difficulties that couples are known to experience and Ceren addresses them. Couples are instructed to understand the approaches they use to tackle issues as well as the approaches used by their fiancé. Understanding that there is never complete agreement, Ceren expounds on the concept that she refers to as "The art of gracious compromise." This technique, also referred to, as how to get along in relationships, should be required reading for all those interested in better relationships.

If you are a therapist who works with individuals about to be married, or even individuals at any stage of marriage, you would do well to read and follow and even recommend this text to your clients. It is easy to understand, easy to use and a most helpful reader.

© 2008 Michael J Salmon

Michael J Salmon, Ph.D., Adult Developmental Center, Hewlett, N.Y.


Share

Welcome to MHN's unique book review site Metapsychology. We feature over 7900 in-depth reviews of a wide range of books and DVDs written by our reviewers from many backgrounds and perspectives. We update our front page weekly and add more than thirty new reviews each month. Our editor is Christian Perring, PhD. To contact him, use one of the forms available here.

Can't remember our URL? Access our reviews directly via 'metapsychology.net'


Metapsychology Online reviewers normally receive gratis review copies of the items they review.
Metapsychology Online receives a commission from Amazon.com for purchases through this site, which helps us send review copies to reviewers. Please support us by making your Amazon.com purchases through our Amazon links. We thank you for your support!


Join our e-mail list!: Metapsychology New Review Announcements: Sent out monthly, these announcements list our recent reviews. To subscribe, click here.

Interested in becoming a book reviewer for Metapsychology? Currently, we especially need thoughtful reviewers for books in fiction, self-help and popular psychology. To apply, write to our editor.

Metapsychology Online Reviews

Promote your Page too

Metapsychology Online Reviews
ISSN 1931-5716