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"Intimate" Violence against Women3 NBS of Julian DrewA Little PregnantA Natural History of RapeA Parent's Guide to Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning AutismA Stir of BonesAbout a BoyAdult Children of Emotionally Immature ParentsAgainst MarriageAgainst MarriageAlmost a PsychopathAlone TogetherAnatomy of LoveAngelsAnother CountryAnxious ParentsApples and OrangesBe Honest--You're Not That Into Him EitherBeing the Other OneBetrayed as BoysBeyond AddictionBipolar DisorderBoys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt)Breaking ApartBrief Adolescent Therapy Homework PlannerBringing Up ParentsBut I Love HimCaring for a Child with AutismCaring in Remembered WaysCherishmentChildren of the Aging Self-AbsorbedChildren of the Self-AbsorbedChildren, Families, and Health Care Decision MakingClawsCloserCold HitCoping With Difficult PeopleCouple SkillsCruddyDancing in My NuddypantsDivorce PoisonDoing ItDone With The CryingEcstasyEmotional ClaustrophobiaEmotional Fitness for IntimacyEmotional Intelligence at WorkEntwined LivesErotic PassionsEssentials of Premarital CounselingEvery Pot Has a CoverFacts About ADHD ChildrenFamilies Like MineFamilyFamily BoundFamily FirstFear of IntimacyFinal JeopardyFind MeFlashpointFor Lesbian ParentsForgive Your Parents, Heal YourselfGandhi's WayGeorgia Under WaterGetting over Getting MadGetting the Love You WantGetting the Love You Want Audio CompanionGirl in the MirrorGirl StuffGoing Home without Going CrazyHandbook of AttachmentHandbook of Counseling and Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual ClientsHappiness Sold SeparatelyHard to GetHe's Just Not That Into YouHealing ConversationsHollow KidsHot ButtonsHot Chocolate for the Mystical LoverHow Families Still MatterHow to Create Chemistry with AnyoneHow to Give Her Absolute PleasureHow to Handle a Hard-To-Handle KidHow to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do If You Can'tI am Not Sick I Don't Need Help!I Don't Know How She Does ItI Hate You-Don't Leave MeI Only Say This Because I Love YouI'm OK, You're My ParentsIn the Mood, AgainInside the American CoupleIntrusive ParentingIt's Called a Breakup Because It's BrokenIt's Love We Don't UnderstandJakarta MissingKeeping Passion AliveKeeping Your Child in MindLet's Get This StraightLiberation's ChildrenLife's WorkLikely to DieLove JunkieLove SickLove Times ThreeLove Works Like ThisLoving Someone With Bipolar DisorderLoving Someone with Borderline Personality DisorderLust in TranslationMaking the RunMaking the RunManic DepressionMars and Venus - Starting Over.Mating in CaptivityMom, Dad, I'm Gay.MotherstylesMurder in the InnMysterious CreaturesNecessary NoiseOdd Girl OutOpenOpening to Love 365 Days a YearOphelia's MomOrgasmsOur Journey Through High Functioning Autism and Asperger SyndromeOut of the DustOvercoming Your Difficult FamilyParenting and the Child's WorldParenting on the GoParenting Your Out-Of-Control TeenagerParents and Digital TechnologyParents Do Make a DifferencePassionate MarriagePlanet JanetPreventing Misbehavior in ChildrenProblem Child or Quirky Kid?Raising AmericaRaising ElijahRaising Kids in an Age of TerrorRaising Kids in the 21st CenturyRaising Resilient ChildrenRay's a LaughRelationship RescueRespect-Me RulesRomantic IntelligenceRoom For JSecrets of a Passionate MarriageSelf-NurtureSelfish, Shallow, and Self-AbsorbedSex Addiction: The Partner's PerspectiveShidduch CrisisSickenedSingleSlut!Socrates in LoveSomeone Like YouSong for EloiseSpecial SiblingsSpiritually Healing the Indigo Children (and Adult Indigos, Too!)Staying Connected to Your TeenagerStaying Sane When Your Family Comes to VisitStop Arguing with Your KidsStop SignsStop Walking on EggshellsStop Walking on EggshellsStrong, Smart, & BoldSummer of the SkunksSurviving a Borderline ParentTaking Charge of AngerTelling SecretsThank You for Being Such a PainThe Anti-Romantic ChildThe AwakeningThe Bastard on the Couch CDThe Birth of PleasureThe Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner with DiskThe Bully Action GuideThe Burden of SympathyThe Commercialization of Intimate LifeThe CorrectionsThe Couples Psychotherapy Treatment PlannerThe DisappearanceThe Dream BearerThe Educated ParentThe Emotional RevolutionThe Employee Assistance Treatment PlannerThe EpidemicThe Ethics of ParenthoodThe Ethics of the FamilyThe Gay Baby BoomThe Good DivorceThe Guide for International Intercultural Couples and Families Intercultural MarriageThe Healing Journey for CouplesThe Hostile HospitalThe Husbands and Wives ClubThe Inside Story on Teen GirlsThe Introvert AdvantageThe Little FriendThe Love HexagonThe Moral Intelligence of ChildrenThe Neuroscience of Human RelationshipsThe New I DoThe Normal OneThe Nurture AssumptionThe OASIS Guide to Asperger SyndromeThe Other ParentThe Philosophical ParentThe Psychology of Parental ControlThe Real Rules for GirlsThe Reflective ParentThe Right to Be ParentsThe Secret Lives of WivesThe Spider and the BeeThe State of AffairsThe StepsThe Story of My FatherThe Velveteen FatherThe Virgin BlueThe Visitation HandbookThe Whole ChildTo Have and To Hurt:Two Is EnoughUnderstanding MarriageUnderstanding the Borderline MotherUnhitchedUp in FlamesWe've Got IssuesWhat about the KidsWhat Goes UpWhat Is Secular Humanism?What It Means to Love YouWhat Our Children Teach UsWhen a Parent is DepressedWhen Mars Women DateWhen Someone You Love Is BipolarWhen Someone You Love Is DepressedWhy Are You So Sad?Will You, Won't You?WomanWorking With Emotional IntelligenceWorried All the TimeYes, Your Teen Is Crazy!
This is a thoroughly intriguing and entertaining book. The author is the
provost and professor of history at George Mason University. His great passion
is social history and indeed he is the editor of the Journal of Social History. He is already well known for books such
as his Fat History: Bodies and Beauty in
the Modern West. This latest book will surely enhance his reputation yet
His theme is the various causes of anxiety for parents during the
twentieth century and how they have grown, diminished or altered during the
course of the century. He takes five main topics and weaves his book round
them. The five are the vulnerable or frail child; the problem of discipline;
the American love-hate relationship with schooling; children's work outside and
inside the home; and children's boredom and entertainment.
The chapter on the vulnerable child sets the scene by describing the
transition from the nineteenth to the twentieth century parenting manual. The
former would have been shortish, about 150 pages, written by a clergyman or a
member of his family, and concerned with "the importance of piety,
obedience, the need for good parental example, the different natures and obligations
of boys and girls, and the basic dictates of good health." (page 19) The
latter were about double the size or even more, written by experts in or
popularizers of the medical and psychological disciplines, and covered "a
huge range of topics, now usually phrased as problems." (Ibid.) These 'problems' still included
health and hygiene issues but increasingly dealt with psychological pitfalls.
The proliferation of these problems, the author argues, marks the change from a
period in which children were seen as essentially sturdy to a time when, unless
parents were extremely careful, their offspring would grow up physically or
psychologically damaged in one way or another. Children might grow up fearful
and timid or otherwise emotionally warped if they were not treated correctly.
On the physical side, safety became more of an issue as America became more
urbanized. Less understandably perhaps, posture became a hot topic. Germs were
a huge worry especially as a result of the large polio epidemics. Concerns
about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome surfaced surprisingly early in the century.
Safety in the home was another problem area. Sleeping practices came under
scrutiny and sleep deprivation was seen as a possibility. The list seemed
endless and, worst of all, if things did go wrong, parents were held
responsible. No wonder that they were anxious.
This vulnerability obviously had knock-on effects in other areas. An
obvious one was discipline. The old ways of dad as the punisher were gradually
replaced by dad as buddy. Mothers too were warned about being overly harsh in
toilet training. Even that good old method called guilt came under review as
pundits pointed out the possible terrible consequences of using this method.
Humiliation in every color and shape came to be exposed -- the 1970s were the
era when it became illegal in some states to publicly post examination and test
grades in schools and colleges lest children's self-esteem be damaged. In the
home the entire set of sanctions came under review -- grounding, the
withholding of pocket money, etc.
As a teacher the reviewer found the chapter on education extremely
enlightening. The author makes it clear that throughout the twentieth century
Americans have had a love-hate relationship with education. Even in the year
2001 Alexandria, VA still had a law restricting the amount of homework schools
could set -- in this case, one and a half hours a night. Parents were (and
still are) not at all sure that they even liked schooling very much -- the
U.S.A. has the largest proportion of home-schooled children in the developed
world. As the Alexandria example shows, homework was a major bone of contention
with many parents feeling that either children should be free to be children
after school or that homework interfered with the right of the parents to
control their children's free time. A major schooling issue has been the
massive expansion in the number of hyperactive children. This is not a
peculiarly American problem but Ritalin is a particularly American answer since
the U.S.A. uses up 90% of the world's Ritalin supply. Furthermore, ADD and ADHD
were far from being the only special needs exhibited by America's children. By
2002 a full 25% of all children in Fairfax (VA) County public schools were
designated as having special needs of one sort or another. The other side of
the coin has been that the self-esteem movement has probably been bigger in the
States than anywhere else in the world. One consequence of that movement has
been the enormous pressure on schools and colleges to not dent children's
self-esteem by giving low grades (even if the children deserve them!). In 1968
fewer than 50% of high school grades were As and Bs. By 1983 that figure had
reached 60% and by 1994 the number of As alone reached 32%. Pretty well only
teachers of calculus managed to hold the line! The result is that a C grade is
no longer respectable or even acceptable because everyone is above average! The
author also looks at the effects on colleges and on the College Board with its
AP and SAT examinations. All in all, this is a fascinating chapter.
The chapter on work covers the whole gamut from child employment at the
beginning of the twentieth century through to the role that helping with chores
in the home can play in the formation of character and in contributing to the
life of the family. It is a useful reminder when we somewhat condescendingly
look at child labour issues in some developing countries that in 1913 children
of 13 and less were contracting nicotine poisoning by working in cigar
factories in the U.S.A. The topic of help in the home has a very contemporary
feel as the author brings the problem bang up to date with the contemporary
problems that any parents with teenage children will recognize.
The chapter on boredom and entertainment is also fascinating. The author
explores the evolution of boredom from being something that one tried to avoid
inflicting on others to being a state of mind. In other words, originally to be
polite necessarily involved not being boring. Boredom in its later twentieth
century incarnation was not the result of someone being boring but a newly
discovered state of mind which was due to a dearth of entertainment. Others
(parents and even teachers) had a responsibility, in the eyes of the bored
person, to remedy the situation and fill the gap -- preferably with highly
commercialized entertainment which big business was only too happy to provide.
The book is full of psychological insights. Its account of the influence
of behaviorism is deftly woven into the story. Dr. Spock gets his rightful
place. The author has scoured the shelves of libraries and second-hand
bookshops to find the old child-rearing manuals and comic books. He uses these
sources widely and to great effect.
The book is beautifully proofread. It has an excellent index, extremely
detailed endnotes with precise bibliographical references as well as lists of
further reading at the end of each chapter. It also has a list of his most
widely consulted child-rearing manuals from the 1920s onwards. All of this
means that the book is as useful to scholars as it is informative to the
general public. It is a beautifully written and thoroughly interesting book.
Kevin M. Purday
Purday works at The Modern English School, Cairo, Egypt, and has a Master's
degree in the Philosophy &
Ethics of Mental Health from the Philosophy Dept. at the University of Warwick.