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"Intimate" Violence against Women3 NBS of Julian DrewA Little PregnantA Natural History of RapeA Parent's Guide to Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning AutismA Stir of BonesAbout a BoyAdult Children of Emotionally Immature ParentsAgainst MarriageAgainst MarriageAlmost a PsychopathAlone TogetherAnatomy of LoveAngelsAnother CountryAnxious ParentsApples and OrangesBe Honest--You're Not That Into Him EitherBeing the Other OneBetrayed as BoysBeyond AddictionBipolar DisorderBoys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt)Breaking ApartBrief Adolescent Therapy Homework PlannerBringing Up ParentsBut I Love HimCaring for a Child with AutismCaring in Remembered WaysCherishmentChildren of the Aging Self-AbsorbedChildren of the Self-AbsorbedChildren, Families, and Health Care Decision MakingClawsCloserCold HitCoping With Difficult PeopleCouple SkillsCruddyDancing in My NuddypantsDivorce PoisonDoing ItDone With The CryingEcstasyEmotional ClaustrophobiaEmotional Fitness for IntimacyEmotional Intelligence at WorkEntwined LivesErotic PassionsEssentials of Premarital CounselingEvery Pot Has a CoverFacts About ADHD ChildrenFamilies Like MineFamilyFamily BoundFamily FirstFear of IntimacyFinal JeopardyFind MeFlashpointFor Lesbian ParentsForgive Your Parents, Heal YourselfGandhi's WayGeorgia Under WaterGetting over Getting MadGetting the Love You WantGetting the Love You Want Audio CompanionGirl in the MirrorGirl StuffGoing Home without Going CrazyHandbook of AttachmentHandbook of Counseling and Psychotherapy with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual ClientsHappiness Sold SeparatelyHard to GetHe's Just Not That Into YouHealing ConversationsHollow KidsHot ButtonsHot Chocolate for the Mystical LoverHow Families Still MatterHow to Create Chemistry with AnyoneHow to Give Her Absolute PleasureHow to Handle a Hard-To-Handle KidHow to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do If You Can'tI am Not Sick I Don't Need Help!I Don't Know How She Does ItI Hate You-Don't Leave MeI Only Say This Because I Love YouI'm OK, You're My ParentsIn the Mood, AgainInside the American CoupleIntrusive ParentingIt's Called a Breakup Because It's BrokenIt's Love We Don't UnderstandJakarta MissingKeeping Passion AliveKeeping Your Child in MindLet's Get This StraightLiberation's ChildrenLife's WorkLikely to DieLove JunkieLove SickLove Times ThreeLove Works Like ThisLoving Someone With Bipolar DisorderLoving Someone with Borderline Personality DisorderLust in TranslationMaking the RunMaking the RunManic DepressionMars and Venus - Starting Over.Mating in CaptivityMom, Dad, I'm Gay.MotherstylesMurder in the InnMysterious CreaturesNecessary NoiseOdd Girl OutOpenOpening to Love 365 Days a YearOphelia's MomOrgasmsOur Journey Through High Functioning Autism and Asperger SyndromeOut of the DustOvercoming Your Difficult FamilyParenting and the Child's WorldParenting on the GoParenting Your Out-Of-Control TeenagerParents and Digital TechnologyParents Do Make a DifferencePassionate MarriagePlanet JanetPreventing Misbehavior in ChildrenProblem Child or Quirky Kid?Raising AmericaRaising ElijahRaising Kids in an Age of TerrorRaising Kids in the 21st CenturyRaising Resilient ChildrenRay's a LaughRelationship RescueRespect-Me RulesRomantic IntelligenceRoom For JSecrets of a Passionate MarriageSelf-NurtureSelfish, Shallow, and Self-AbsorbedSex Addiction: The Partner's PerspectiveShidduch CrisisSickenedSingleSlut!Socrates in LoveSomeone Like YouSong for EloiseSpecial SiblingsSpiritually Healing the Indigo Children (and Adult Indigos, Too!)Staying Connected to Your TeenagerStaying Sane When Your Family Comes to VisitStop Arguing with Your KidsStop SignsStop Walking on EggshellsStop Walking on EggshellsStrong, Smart, & BoldSummer of the SkunksSurviving a Borderline ParentTaking Charge of AngerTelling SecretsThank You for Being Such a PainThe Anti-Romantic ChildThe AwakeningThe Bastard on the Couch CDThe Birth of PleasureThe Brief Couples Therapy Homework Planner with DiskThe Bully Action GuideThe Burden of SympathyThe Commercialization of Intimate LifeThe CorrectionsThe Couples Psychotherapy Treatment PlannerThe DisappearanceThe Dream BearerThe Educated ParentThe Emotional RevolutionThe Employee Assistance Treatment PlannerThe EpidemicThe Ethics of ParenthoodThe Ethics of the FamilyThe Gay Baby BoomThe Good DivorceThe Guide for International Intercultural Couples and Families Intercultural MarriageThe Healing Journey for CouplesThe Hostile HospitalThe Husbands and Wives ClubThe Inside Story on Teen GirlsThe Introvert AdvantageThe Little FriendThe Love HexagonThe Moral Intelligence of ChildrenThe Neuroscience of Human RelationshipsThe New I DoThe Normal OneThe Nurture AssumptionThe OASIS Guide to Asperger SyndromeThe Other ParentThe Philosophical ParentThe Psychology of Parental ControlThe Real Rules for GirlsThe Reflective ParentThe Right to Be ParentsThe Secret Lives of WivesThe Spider and the BeeThe State of AffairsThe StepsThe Story of My FatherThe Velveteen FatherThe Virgin BlueThe Visitation HandbookThe Whole ChildTo Have and To Hurt:Two Is EnoughUnderstanding MarriageUnderstanding the Borderline MotherUnhitchedUp in FlamesWe've Got IssuesWhat about the KidsWhat Goes UpWhat Is Secular Humanism?What It Means to Love YouWhat Our Children Teach UsWhen a Parent is DepressedWhen Mars Women DateWhen Someone You Love Is BipolarWhen Someone You Love Is DepressedWhy Are You So Sad?Will You, Won't You?WomanWorking With Emotional IntelligenceWorried All the TimeYes, Your Teen Is Crazy!
This is a good book, an articulate and readable text
to help parents with small families who may be worrying more than is helpful to
their children. In Anderegg's analysis and experience, many parents these days
think too much, worry obsessively, over-protect and over-react to their
children's lives and are inappropriately enmeshed in their schedules. Anderegg
has many insights and some answers. If you think you have these concerns as a
parent, you should read this book.
The causes of worrying too much are
many. The media have played a role, exaggerating and linking ideas of crisis
with children; and recent history, especially the Columbine school massacre,
have caused widespread fear. The simple fact of smaller families--one or two
kids--is also a cause and Anderegg spends some of his time showing why. He
deals with all the pressing issues: drugs, school violence, day care,
over-scheduling of children, fears of sexual abuse, and others.
The solutions he describes touch on
moderation. Worry less. Let go enough to trust the process. Most of all, begin
to understand that the "child crisis of the month" may exist mostly
or wholly in the outlook of the parents, and therefore, don't react until it is
clear who has a problem.
The book's content is thorough and
worthy. What about his approach to the reader?
Anderegg is a Bennington College
professor of psychology and does child and family therapy. He's very well
educated and has experience that supports his authority. So, why does he begin
his sensible, much-needed book with an introduction that asks, "Whose
Zeitgeist is it, anyway?" I mean, how many parents really know what
'zeitgeist' means at all, much less in the particular nuances of psychotherapy?
Okay, spirit of the times somebody says from the back of the room. But
why does the professor tease his readers to think about "zeitgeist"
when his real purposes are not yet established? He asks, do parents worry too
much and "The answer to that question depends on how one reads the
zeitgeist." Then a moment later he writes, "One could argue…that as a
child therapist my view of the zeitgeist is necessarily flawed." He
defends his background and credentials. Then in the next paragraph he writes,
"Where else do I get my data about the zeitgeist?" He's a therapist,
parent, consultant to schools; he reads everything in the media culture.
But the reader finds himself wondering
less about the professor's credentials and abilities and more and more about
that curious word from the German. And why must people suffering from
overparenting wade through that introduction, so oriented to the professor's
unique perspectives, in order to get to their own concerns? I suspect more than one or two parents have returned
this book to the shelf at Border's or Barnes & Noble while trying to
It's more than a problem of
stumbling out the gate in the Introduction. The book is organized logically but
sometimes not in the way readers need to approach it. In particular, the titles
of each chapter are a tease, not strong declarative statements of their
content. No doubt this is intended to invite curiosity. But it only hides
content. Chapter One, "Nervous Wrecks: Scenes from the Front Lines."
What exactly is it about? A frightened parent could mistake it for a chapter
about your teenager going to fight in Iraq or Afghanistan. Of course, it's not.
It's about overparenting in relation to contemporary smaller families. But the
title obscures the main point, as if to get a magazine buzz started. The same
vagueness applies to most of the chapter titles. And this is also a problem for
the reader who has completed the book, gotten value, but later wants to refer
back to something of importance. The chapter titles will confuse rather than
help find the reference.
Yet, in balance with that problem,
there is an Index and it is well-crafted. Endnotes are thorough and usefully
On the whole, Worried All the Time is a thoughtful and thought-enhancing book
that can help parents to put matters right in their own parenting, reduce their
levels of anxiety and anger, and set the stage for a happier life for
themselves and their children.
© 2004 David Wolf
David Wolf is the author of Philosophy That Works, a
book about the practice of philosophy. His book page for orders (hardback &
paperback) is www.xlibris.com/philosophythatworks
; readers can also see the first chapter there.